Collection of Funny Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep's

--- Wishful Woman

Now I lay me down to sleep
I sit in bed and here I weep
I wish that he would love me back
But now it's beauty that I lack

--- In a Gun Shop

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord you do not creep.
If you should die because I wake,
I'll explain it to the judge, make no mistake.

--- Fisherman Version

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord for fish to eat.
If I should die before I wake,
dont' let the dog my fishez take.

--- Vodka Version

Now I lay me down to sleep
A bottle of vodka at me feet
If I shall die before I wake
Tell my friends I drank it straight.

Now I Lay Me Parent's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,

Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)

And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,

But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!

Single Woman's Now I Lay Me: Version 1

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be  annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Now I lay me down to sleep.
Please don't send me no more creeps.
Please just send me one good man.
One without a wedding band.

Single Woman's Now I Lay Me: Version 2

One good man who's sweet as pie.
Who brushed his teeth and doesn't lie.
Who dresses neat and doesn't smell.
And is sexy like my man Denzel.

Man, if I should die before I wake,
that would truly take the cake;
No matrimony or honeymoon.
No fancy reception planned for June.

No throwing of the wedding bouquet.
Please, God, don't let me go out that way.
If I die before I meet Mr. Right
I won't go out without a fight.

But then again with my luck,
He'd probably be just some schmuck.
The single life is not that bad
I know it's just a passing fad.

I won't be blue. I will not frown.
Besides, I like my toilet seat down.
No more makeup, won't comb my hair.
So never mind this stupid prayer.

The single life will do just fine.
So what's up, girlfriend?
IT'S PARTY TIME!

Now I Lay Me for Weight Watchers

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, please no bags-
And, please lift my rump before it sags.

Please no age spots, please no gray-
And, as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, please keep me young-
And, thank you Dear Lord for all that you've done!

Now I Lay Me Doggie Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove
My human mom can hardly move.

I've trapped her legs, She's tucked in tight,
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dares intrude,
Til morning comes and "I want food!"

I sneak up slowly to begin,
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly, and looks at me
Then asks the question, "What's wrong puppy"?

The morning is here, And it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.

So thank you Lord for giving me
This human mom that I see.
The one who hugs and holds me tight
And shares her bed with me at night!

Now I Lay Me Kitty Prayer 1

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this cushy life to keep,
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions,soft n nice

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
And shadows to explore at night.

I pray I'll always stay real cool,
And keep the secret feline rule:
To never tell a human that,
The world is really ruled by cats.

Now I Lay Me Kitty Prayer 2

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep..
I sleep right in the center groove
My human cannot hardly move!

I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"

I sneak up slowly to begin
my nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly,
I have sharp teeth - And my claws I will unsheath

For the morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.

The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And sacrifices her bed at night

Now I Lay Me Study Prayer

Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I don't go nutty,
And if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I do not flunk,
And if I die, don't bury me at all,
Just lay my bones in the study hall,
And pile my books upon my chest,
And tell my proffs I did my best,
So now I lay me down to rest,
And pray I pass tomorrow's test,
And if I die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.